Confessions
by Xandman
Summary: Xander decides to tell Buffy how he feels.


Title: Confession (1/1)  
Author: Xandman2000  
E-Mail: xandman2000@y...  
Disclaimer: Buffy is owned by Joss and his minions. I'm just taking them for a wild ride in my head.  
Rating: Standard Buffy stuff.  
Summary: Xander tells Buffy some stuff.  
Spoilers: Chop full of certain B/X moments over the past few years.  
Dedication: Kathy, my favorite B/Xer. And Captain Jen.  
Feedback: If you send me a clone of Buffy or Faith, you don't have to. But if you can't I'll accept feedback.   
  
Confession  
  
Xander stood in front of Buffy trying to figure out what he was going to say. He paces back and forth. He stops and tries to say something, but stops. He looks down and takes a deep breath.  
  
"Buffy, there are some things that I need to tell you, a lot of things actually. First things first, Anya and I broke up. I was never honest with my feelings with her. I loved her. I did, but I just didn't love her as much as I loved you. I've always loved you Buffy. You knew that. But you always thought it was just a passing crush. What I'm about to tell you should prove that wrong."  
  
Xander kneels.  
  
"It all started with the first day I saw you. Willow may have told you this, but…"  
  
Sunnydale High…  
  
Xander is on his skateboard.  
  
"Excuse me, get out of the way. Can't stop. Can't stop."  
  
He sees the most beautiful woman he has ever seen walking up the stairs. The next second, he crashes into the steel rail on the stairwell in front of the school.  
  
+~+~+~+~  
  
"I guess you could say when I fell for you, I literally fell for you. I think the moment I fell in love with you was the first time I talked to you. I'll never forget the first words I said to you when I saw you picking up your books of the floor."  
  
+~+~+~+~  
  
"Can I have you?"  
She looks at Xander like he's crazy.  
  
"I mean…Can I help you."  
  
Buffy smiles. "Thanks."  
  
  
  
"I don't know you do I?"  
  
"I'm Buffy, I'm new."  
  
"Xander. Is…is me. Hi."  
  
"Oh. Thanks."  
  
"Oh. Well, maybe I'll see you around. Maybe at school…since we both…go there."  
  
"Great. It was nice to meet you."  
  
Buffy leaves.  
  
+~+~+~+~  
  
"I don't know if it was me, but even though I made a fool of myself, I thought you looked a little smitten. But it might have been me."  
  
Xander takes out the bracelet he gave her before cheerleader tryouts.  
  
"Do you remember this? Probably not, I gave you this before you tried out for cheerleading."  
  
+~+~+~+~  
  
"Love Always," Buffy read.  
  
"They all came like that," Xander said.  
  
+~+~+~+~  
  
" Amy's mom used it during that spell. After she went back in her body, she gave it back to me. I decided to wait for the right time to give it to you."  
  
He puts it back in his pocket.  
  
  
"But now isn't the time. There's a lot more I need to tell you."  
  
+~+~+~+~  
  
"Your hands are so--hot," Ms. French said.  
  
Xander's muddled brain found itself thinking about the slayer.  
  
"Buffy," he said dreamily. "I love Buffy."  
  
~+~+~+~+~  
  
"Somehow through the clouded spell I was under. I still knew I loved you. Even when you were a vampire when our nightmares were coming true, I still thought you were hot. But all that was nothing compared to what I'm about to tell you. It started when you rejected me. It hurt, I won't lie about that, but when I found out you were going to die I went a little crazy. Giles said there was nothing I could do. So I went to the person I hated most. Angel. I practically had to shove a cross in his face to get him to help me. When I found you lying in the pool of water, I felt I had lost my life, because I did. I didn't want to give up on you. While you were gone I tried to get over you. I almost kissed Willow, but the second I saw you, all the feelings came rushing back. But you choose Angel. I hated that. But I grew to accept that. I was with Cordelia until she dumped me and I did that stupid spell.  
  
~+~+~+~+~  
  
"Come on," Buffy said. "It's a party. Aren't you going to open your present?"  
  
"It's not that I don't want to. Sometimes the remote impossible possibility that you might like me was all that sustained me. But not now. Not like this. This isn't real to you. You're only here because of a spell. I mean, if I thought you had one clue of what it would mean to me…But you don't, so I can't.  
  
~+~+~+~+~  
  
"That was hard for me to do. I almost gave in, but I couldn't do that to you. Even if it weren't a spell, I wouldn't have done it because you were still going through all that stuff with Angel. There are one or two things I never told you about him. First, was when you were in the hospital. He came to kill you, but I would let him. He laughed in my face and said, `Buffy's White Knight. It must eat you up that I got there first.' Those words still haunt me. But he was right I am. I've always been there like a white knight when you needed it. Except for one time. I did something I shouldn't have. When you were about   
to fight Angel I was supposed to tell you Willow was trying the spell. But I didn't. I thought if you would have known you would have held back and got yourself killed. I couldn't live with myself if something would have happened to you. That is the one thing I regretted the most. I feel that's the reason you left. You felt guilty killing Angel, when it was my fault. But you came back. I still had feelings for you. That's why I went crazy when I saw you kissing Angel when he came back. Then you were with him, I was with   
Cordelia. Then we broke up after the "fluke" with Willow. Then Graduation Day came.  
  
~+~+~+~+~  
  
"I just don't want to lose you."  
  
"I won't get hurt."  
  
"That's not what I mean."  
  
"Just get me and address."  
  
~+~+~+~+~+~  
  
"It hurt me when you said that. I, in my subtle way was telling you I loved you. During my many hours on my road trip that summer, I was thinking about us. I left to give you the time you needed. I came back hoping we could maybe start a relationship, but by the time I let you get adjusted to college you had fallen for Parker, then Anya came into the picture. You eventually got with Riley. Then you two split up about a year later. Then your mom died. I was there for you. But not once have I given up on you. I was always here for you."  
  
Xander takes out the bracelet, kisses it and puts it on the grave.  
  
"I'll always love you Buffy. Even though you're gone. You were my first love. The one woman in this world I would die for without a second thought. I'll miss you."  
  
Xander picks up the flowers he placed on the ground and placed them in front of Buffy's head stone. A lone tear falls from his eye.  
  
"Until we meet again Buff."  
  
Xander walks out of the graveyard. A gust of wind blows.  
  
*I love you Xander.*  
  
He stops and looks around. He doesn't see anything. He turns around and walks out the graveyard.  
  
"I love you too Buff."  
  
THE END 


End file.
